Kevin Allen (right, exactly as shown) is the kind of hockey player who would take a slap shot from 20 feet, bounce it off the goalie’s head and then skate by and go, “uh, sorry.”

I was often the goalie.

He would then laugh on the bench with the other goons.

This was odd because Kevin also played goal. I once used his equipment and figured out why he was laughing after hitting me in the head: his goalie gear was way better than mine; couldn’t feel anything, and the stuff was huge. There was no net left to shoot at. How did a graduate student have far better equipment than me?

I admired Kevin’s hockey skills, and how he could play so much hockey, have a couple of kids and take so long to finish his PhD; I admired his expensive goalie equipment even more.

Kevin finally finished his PhD at Guelph, won some award at the International Association for Food Protection in 2005, he may have won more, I don’t know, went to work with Bioniche — the E. coli O157:H7 vaccine people in Canada — and now has landed himself a professoring job.

It’s at the University of British Columbia, that’s in Vancouver, where the winter Olympics – what The Daily Show called a series of drunken dares on ice or snow – have just wrapped up, with a parade featuring a giant inflatable beaver.

Kevin’s building his research empire and, while I don’t run help wanted or conference announcements anymore, I will if they are solely in my self-interest or at least afford me the opportunity to taunt former students. Look at the first sentence of the job description – what was he going to write, a mind-numbing post-doctoral fellowship is available? It probably helps if the candidate plays hockey. Gender doesn’t matter.

Post-doctoral fellowship opportunity
The University of British Columbia
Discipline: Molecular Food Microbiology
Faculty: Land and Food Systems
Department: Food, Nutrition and Health
Location: University of British Columbia Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
An exciting post-doctoral fellowship is available for an ambitious and highly motivated individual who has recently completed their doctoral degree. This individual will lead a research program focused on utilizing traditional and molecular approaches to examine stress response physiology, comparative genomics, and antimicrobial resistance in foodborne pathogens such as Shiga toxin-producing Escherichia coli, Listeria monocytogenes, and Vibrio spp. Demonstrated experience with genomics, microarray analysis, and recombinant techniques is highly desirable.
The position is a 1-year term, renewable for up to 3 years. Renewal will be based on progress, which includes scientific presentation/publication and continuation of funding. Salary is commensurate with qualifications and experience according to UBC guidelines. Candidates graduated from Food Microbiology or Microbiology possessing a strong publication record and excellent academic credentials are encouraged to apply. Applicants should send their curriculum vitae, names and full contact information for three references, and a cover letter. The cover letter should detail previous efforts relating to their molecular biology expertise and experience with foodborne pathogens.
Please submit applications electronically to Dr. Kevin Allen. Note, UBC hires on the basis of merit and is committed to employment equity. Employment requires previous completion of a doctoral degree.
Application submission address: kevin.allen@ubc.ca Competition closing date:
Until filled Webaddress: http://www.landfood.ubc.ca/faculty-members/kevin-allen