Horny college students told to wear surgical masks when kissing to reduce risk of swine flu

Is grinding an effective form of birth control? Are condoms recommended during oral sex? Should horny college students kiss while wearing surgical masks to reduce incidence of swine flu?

In what should provide a stimulus to the sexy doctor/nurse outfit industry, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control yesterday issued advice suggesting that if college students are ill, they should refrain from kissing but, if they must, wear a surgical mask while doing the deed.

Substitute the word condom for mask in the following excerpts from the story; makes it fun.

The recommendation reads, "If close contact with others cannot be avoided, the ill student should be asked to wear a surgical mask during the period of contact. Examples of close contact include kissing, sharing eating or drinking utensils, or having any other contact between persons likely to result in exposure to respiratory droplets."

CDC spokesperson Tom Skinner acknowledged that the language of the recommendation was confusing and that the agency would "look at rewording" the guidance.

"We’re not telling them to wear a mask when they kiss," Skinner said. "What we’re trying to do is give examples of ‘close contact.’"

We’ll stick with our advice, below.

Where to get germs while on vacation

I’ve walked down Hollywood Boulevard in front of the Chinese Theatre. I bought a $2 map of the stars’ houses and photographed the "foot prints" of Star Wars’ R2D2 and C3PO in the cement. But I didn’t touch anything.

That sidewalk made the list of the five germiest tourist spots in the world as determined by editors at TripAdvisor.com this summer:

1. Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland – Last year, about 400,000 people hung upside down to kiss this stone in their quest for the gift of eloquence.

2. Market Theater Gum Wall in Seattle, Washington – This 15’x50′ wall of gum began as a few sticky pieces discarded by college students waiting in line for movie tickets fifteen years ago.

3. St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – For some reason, people love feeding the pigeons here, though city officials have been cracking down on the pooping menaces in recent years.

4. Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California – The celebrity handprints in the cement  out front encourage bare-hand contact with a city sidewalk, which, according to a Theatre tour guide, is mopped daily and pressure washed once a week to support the trend.

5. Oscar Wilde’s Tomb in Paris, France – Admirers of author and playwright Oscar Wilde don bright lipstick to kiss his tomb when they come to pay their respects.

CNN’s report of the list states,

"Though it is unlikely to get sick from visiting one of these places, health experts say germs are always a gamble. The more people who touch and visit a spot, the more germs there are in the mix, they say.

"Their traveling advice? Travelers should load up on hand sanitizers and wash their hands often on their trips."

Good advice, baseless assumptions. Now, what about the kissing? And the pigeons?

TripAdvisor travel expert Brooke Ferencsik was quoted as saying, "These places are great attractions regardless of the fact that they are germy."

I’d say they were good for a photo, maybe. But I’m passing on the hands-on (or mouth-on) participation.

Don’t kiss fish

I’ve written extensively about the salmonella-related dangers of kissing pet turtles during my time as an emotionally-vacant adolescent.

Martin Armstrong, a member of the Fisheries Advisory Council, a life member in Trout Unlimited and a member of the Outdoor Writers Association of America, asks in The Advocate, ever watch a competitive angler on TV kiss a big fish that he just caught?

Did you ever kiss a big fish that made your day or, better yet, win a party boat pool?

Well, when you kiss that big fish you are risking contracting a bothersome intestinal parasite.

Giardiasis is a diarrheal illness caused by a microscopic parasite, Giardia intestinalis (also known as Giardia lamblia or Giardia duodenalis). Once a person or animal has been infected with Giardia, the parasite lives in the intestine and is passed in feces. Because an outer shell protects the parasite, it can survive outside the body and in the environment for long periods of time — often several months or even a year or more.

 

Don’t kiss turtles, even in Britain

The UK Health Protection Agency reports that cases of Salmonella Arizonae have been on the increase and can be particularly harmful to infants.

The Telegraph reports that Dr Tansy Peters told the HPA’s annual conference,

"Although it is comparatively rare in humans, a study of samples submitted to our laboratory for testing from January 1998 to December 2007 shows that there has been a significant increase in both numerical and percentage terms.

"That may be a reflection of the increased popularity of reptiles as pets.

"This is a very worrying trend and infants and young children with their immature immune systems and weaker gastric acids are disproportionately affected. We even find cases in breast and formula-fed infants and it is unlikely that they acquired their infection from a source other than indirectly, via the parents, from the family’s pet reptile. Reptiles shed salmonella in their faeces and carry it on their skin and the public health implications of this inside the home should not be underestimated."

And if you have them in the home, don’t kiss them.
 

Kiss, not handshake to avoid illness

Researchers say kissing may be safer than shaking hands.

Sally Bloomfield of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and chairwoman of the International Scientific Forum for Home Hygiene, said that a recent study published in the American Journal of Infection Control said to avoid catching flu, stomach aches, methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus, salmonella or C. difficile, people should pay greater attention to good hand hygiene.

Good hygiene at home can mean fewer infections spread among family members and fewer patients demanding antibiotics. But good hygiene is more than just washing hands — surfaces that spread germs via hands such as door handles, tap handles, toilet seats and cleaning cloths also need regular hygienic cleaning.

Clothing and linens, baths, basin and toilet surfaces can also play a part in spreading germs between family members in the home, the report said.