As I wrote in Nov. 2005, I’m convinced my mother tried to kill me through foodborne illness.

Not intentionally, of course. But twice a year, on average while growing up, I’d spend a couple of days on the couch, passing liquid out of both ends, while mom comforted me with flat ginger ale, crushed ice (we even had one of those kitchen necessities — an ice crusher, in groovy pink, suitable for early 1970s suburbia) and soothing words like, "It’s just the flu honey, you’ll feel better soon."

Now, British researchers who searched the scientific data for evidence that flat soda pop — a home remedy for diarrhea and vomiting passed down from generation to generation — prevents dehydration in children with gastroenteritis have reached a conclusion: No.

According to their report in this month’s issue of Archives of Disease in Childhood, biochemical analyses "clearly show" various carbonated drinks contain low levels of sodium and potassium, and far more sugar than oral rehydration solutions. Cola contained up to seven times the amount of glucose the World Health Organization recommends for oral rehydration.

"Carbonated drinks, flat or otherwise, including cola, provide inadequate fluid and electrolyte replacement and cannot be recommended."