Tomorrow morning, a doctor is going to stick a camera up my ass.

I’ve been on the pre-colonoscopy diet for three days now, and today is the broken-jaw version I had when I was 18, but worse.

No protein. No fruits or veg.

Just clear liquids. I have a bunch of chicken stock I made last night.

I live in sub-tropical Brisbane which has a fabulous supply of produce and proteins, and I’m eating Jello.

Later today I have to take some colon blow stuff which involves being on the toilet for about 4 hours.

But at least my poop won’t be black.

Dustin Nelson of Thrillist writes that coal-black slushies are one of Burger King’s Halloween specials this year. It’s a Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry, and it’s seriously dark. The drink has attracted an unexpected amount of attention not for its flavor, but for, uh, the impact of its dark hue. In fact, people have been heading to Burger King just to get a good look at the, umm, effects. 

Maybe people couldn’t resist the intestinal challenge of an artificially black treat or maybe they remember the unique results of eating that black-bunned Whopper a couple years back. Either way, people are grabbing the cherry treat and reporting on social media that it turns your mouth intensely black. Oh, and it also turns your poop a fun color. Though, no one really agrees on a single color. People have said their results have been black, green, and even blue. Whatever the individual result, it’s not on your usual spectrum of poop colors.

Asked for comment, a Burger King representative said, “For those who want to know, try it and find out.”

My female doctor also had a great suggestion for checking my prostrate, cause I’m of that age too.

She said she could do it while I was passed out for the colonoscopy.

Sign me up.

Another good Brantford boy, Phil Hartman, who was tragically killed by his third wife, is featured below.