(This is satire): FDA recalls food, out of an abundance of caution

Saying it was vitally important that citizens avoid consuming any of the affected items, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration issued a nationwide recall of all food Wednesday. “We are asking all Americans to return any edible products they own to the store where these items were purchased or to discard such items immediately,” margaret_hamburgsaid FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg at a morning press conference, specifying that under no circumstances should Americans eat grains, meats, produce, nuts, dairy products, processed foodstuffs, sweets, spices, or any other source of sustenance, nor should they feed any of these foods to animals or leave them within the reach of children.

“If you are eating something right now, please discontinue doing so. We will let you know when it is okay to consume food again.” Hamburg noted that salt, baking soda, and all foods manufactured before 2002 were unaffected by the recall.

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About Douglas Powell

A former professor of food safety and the publisher of barfblog.com, Powell is passionate about food, has five daughters, and is an OK goaltender in pickup hockey. Download Doug’s CV here. Dr. Douglas Powell editor, barfblog.com retired professor, food safety 3/289 Annerley Rd Annerley, Queensland 4103 dpowell29@gmail.com 61478222221 I am based in Brisbane, Australia, 15 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time