In the latest triumph of food porn over food safety, someone at Shape magazine – porn over reality — thought it was a good idea to apparently gather random recipes that can be cooked at the same time as washing dishes.

The recipes all get made inside an airtight canning jar or food vacuum bag.

Asparagus

Trim 1/4 pound of asparagus and place in a half-quart mason jar with 1 cup water, a pat of butter and some seasonings. Place on the top rack, and set your dishwasher to run a normal cycle.

Green Beans

Pretty much the same deal. Cook 1/4 cup of green beans with 1 cup of water and season with salt, pepper and lemon to taste.

Chicken

Place a thin, skinless chicken breast in a half-quart mason jar with a cup of white wine, then add water until the chicken is covered by an inch. Wash and go. (And try not to think too much about poultry juices co-mingling with your water glasses.)

Salmon

Same idea. Just add lemon and dill.

Lobster

The ultimate dishwasher masterpiece. Cut a deveined, de-shelled lobster tail in half (find out how to crack it open here), then place it in a mason jar with a stick of unsalted butter. Run through a wash cycle, then invite your friends over for dishwasher lobster rolls.

I look forward to the validation studies for microbial kill rates, and cross-contamination issues.