Orlando, Florida, is one wacky town: the paper endorsed Mitt Romney for U.S. President and a couple dining on the patio of a restaurant called Paddy Murphy’s in an “upscale family community” started having sex in the middle of racking up their $101 bar tab.

According to The Braiser, “children were present. Police were called. No parents were willing to file statements with the police, which means two things. One, the couple isn’t facing any charges for the public sex act, and two, we don’t know the logistics of how they were arranged, which we desperately, desperately wanted to understand.”

Airplanes, airport lounge bathrooms, cars, country roads off the Interstate, oceans, beaches, electron microscope rooms, college newspaper offices and the bushes outside the president’s house: it’s easy to be discreet. And make sure those table cleaning clothes are properly sanitized.