Myths and fairy tales are what people tell themselves at night to make the uglies go away and get some sleep.

One of the favorites of regulators is that they work in a science-based organization.

The U.K. Food Standards Agency issued its annual science report yesterday, “written in a style accessible to a wide audience,” because they want to be heard by the plebes, but fail to endorse thermometers to ensure food is safely cooked.

Same with the New South Wales Food Authority in Australia, which said yesterday that to limit bacterial spread from raw meat, wash hands in “hot soapy water” and cook poultry, minced meats, and sausages until well done, right through to the centre. No pink should be left visible. Juices should run clear after cooking.”

Water temperature doesn’t matter when washing hands and color is a lousy indicator of anything. That’s why I get to be the cook at the kids’ sausage sizzles, with my tip-sensitive digital thermometer.