Baseball is incredibly boring. Anytime someone gases on about the mathematics and how literal it all is, I’m reminded of the time Homer Simpson was sober for a month and agreed that watching baseball was the most boring thing ever. At a hockey game in Sweden last night the crowd littered the ice with dildos. Hockey’s a great game.

But I’m forced to write about baseball because the World-Series bound Tampa Bay Rays did something somewhat astute: as reported in the New York Times, “The Rays are here (in the World Series) because of the outstanding good karma of allowing fans to bring their own food into the dome.

“In the vast majority of sports arenas and stadiums in this great land of freedom and opportunity, anybody caught transporting edible contraband through the turnstiles is immediately taken under the stands and beaten with rubber hoses.”

Tell me about it.

A pregnant Amy and I went to a Kansas State football game a few weeks ago. The dude doing the bag check found a wrapped energy bar and confiscated the offending carbs. I said, ‘She’s pregnant, she needs food.”

He grunted, which was as persuasive as K-State’s terrible football defense.

And unlike airport security, where an empty water bottle will be allowed through, K-State only allows full bottles of water. No one would ever fill a water bottle with vodka.

Back in Tampa, the Times reports that,

“Under this sane policy, fans can actually bring carrots and apples and cereal to the ball park and not have them wrestled away by gristly guards. I know what you are thinking: “There’s no healthy eating in baseball,” what with the mandatory calories and salt and sugar laced into the junk food sold in the corridors of American arenas.”